Tossing
by morethanamuse
Summary: A distracted and very awake Beckett struggles to fall asleep, and accidentally does something she may not be able to talk herself out of. Chapter 7 finally up! Complete!
1. Call

_**One shot. Trust me, its authentic. Everything I wrote, I feel. Except I don't have a 'Castle' to call. .**_

_**Don't own them, etc etc etc.**_

**_Thanks for the feedback so far! I added a few things that I tried to change last night, but it didn't work. I'm so glad you all like it. The funny part is that if this wasn't categorized under 'Castle' I could quite literally, editing nothing (other than Castle's name), be writing about me... every word. haha. :)_**

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There was a certain unsettling feeling she got about falling asleep in the dark. Not just in the dark, but specifically, at night, alone. It seemed too sharp, too abrupt, like she had some unfinished business to attend to. Even if she thought she didn't, it always seemed so, with the way her head swam when she tried to fall asleep. Puzzles begging her to solve them; to put them back together so that they made sense in her life. Unresolved relationships, conflicts, people she loved, people she loathed. None of them were respectful enough to let her get some much needed rest.

The past two nights, she hadn't even slept in the darkness at all. It was only when the light started peeking in her window that she had been able to put her thoughts aside and finally fall into her pillows. And that was just one night; the other, she had gotten up as though she had slept, moving through her day running only on coffee and a piece of toast. Although intrigued with the fact that she was going strong, barely feeling tired or hungry, even when she was at work, for over 24 hours, she secretly wondered what was wrong. It had to be something. Things like this didn't just happen to people whose lives were in balance.

Tonight, unlike the other two nights, she was actually exhausted. Thoughts didn't just race through her mind like usual either. They lingered. Paperwork she had to complete, what she had to do at work tomorrow, and how she was going to handle another day without her mother being in her life the way that she was supposed to be.

The thing that annoyed her the most was the simple fact that she was lonely. It shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did in that moment, but it ate away at her, giving no mercy. She hated being tied down by such a useless emotion. She was a strong, fiercely independent woman, and the last thing on her mind should be how she longed for human contact, let alone keeping her awake! Even so, all she could do was stretch luxuriously around the body pillow that was her only bedfellow at the present. She imagined what it would be like to have someone next to her, and how it would feel to brush her lips up against the skin of her companion. Knowing full well who she wished it could be, she imagined breathing in his intoxicating sent so vividly, she swore she could smell it right now...

Cursing at herself and flipping over for the twenty seventh time, not that she was keeping count, she closed her eyes again. It was exactly this kind of thinking that kept her awake. She nuzzled into her pillow, breathing in a mix of her natural scent and every bath and body product she used on the pillow case. _Hmm. I *do* smell like cherries,_ she thought. Taking another deep, calming breath, she tried to clear her mind, and finally sleep.

Several minutes passed by, and huffing angrily, she sat up in bed. Grabbing her phone, she absentmindedly started going through it, looking at pictures, and justifying deleting some old ones. She scrolled through her contact list, barely looking at it, but rather watching the contacts roll by as she flicked her thumb over the touch screen. Giving it the biggest scroll she could manage, she let her thumb rest, drifting to think about something someone had told her recently.

"It's when you don't look for it, that love happens," her friend had told her. "And when it does, it will be the easiest thing you have ever done in your life, and the hardest."

She pondered that a moment and looked down at her phone, staring wide-eyed at the contact her thumb had ended up resting upon. Dropping the phone out of surprise, she only noticed that she must have bumped the touch screen just enough to make it dial the number when she heard the ringing come from the speaker of her phone. Diving on top of it, she quickly hit 'end', but it was too late. It had rang, at least three times.

_It's 4am_, she thought to herself, _there is no way he heard it_, trying to be logical. But of course there was something she couldn't avoid. Every phone nowadays had caller ID. She knew she was screwed...

But she didn't quite grasp how screwed she was until her phone started ringing, the same contact name appearing on the ID as she had just dialed.

All she could do was stare as Castle's ringtone blared from the phone's tiny speakers, and his name lit up the screen.

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**_This was meant to be a one shot... but I am thinking of either writing what Castle was doing when she was trying to get herself to sleep, or just continuing on and hearing her try to talk her way out of it. :) Thoughts? _**


	2. Answer

**_Sorry for the gap in time- I had to decide whether to continue. (That and life got in the way, specifically, HALLOWEEN! :D) Clearly, I decided to keep going. :D Thanks for all the input that was given- very encouraging. It really is great motivation to know you all wanted more! :) _**

**_I went with what Rick was up to. Then who knows? Definitely not the end. That would be cruel. ;)_**

**_ENJOY!_**

He was having one of those dreams again. He never had reorrcuring dreams... until he met _her. _Now they happened all the time; three or four distinct dreams that all included her likeness. The recent case load was _not_ helping them at all either. Of course he still had nightmares about her apartment blowing up and the sheer and utter terror that shook his body that night. He had dreams about how the only thing that his mind could process was _She's dead... You lost her forever... _And on a completely different plane, hot, heavy, dreams about what she would do to him if she learned a few tricks from Mistress Venom. None of these dreams came often, of course, but these, he had definitely had more than once.

This particular dream, however, if an outsider were to observe, was nothing special. But with Kate Beckett, everything was special. It wasn't anything extravagent, not even sexual in any way. It was simply the dream he had of them spending a day together... a day where they had nothing to do other than enjoy each other's company. Sometimes they would go to a bakery, sometimes they would walk through the park. No matter what they did when he had a dream like this, he woke up smiling. Yes, he spent nearly every day with her, but that was under the pressure of work, specifically a homicide investigation, in which there was not much room for levity. Of course he peppered in some good humor, as was his signature way of doing things, but there was never any time to just _be. _Even down time at the precient meant ping-ponging theories, and watching the detective do paperwork.

He rolled over, mid-sleep, his eyes batting once or twice as he realized he had been woken up somehow. Looking around, he saw nothing out of place, so he shifted to get comfortable once again. He glanced at the clock, its soft blue light shining the numbers 4:03 in his direction. Figuring he had at least another three hours to sleep, unless Beckett called him with a crime scene, he closed his eyes once again.

Just as he did, his phone's alert tone chimed. Sitting up, confused, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and reached to the nightstand for his phone. 'One Missed Call', it read. _That's funny. I always wake up to my phone,_ he thought. _Maybe it only rang once or twice, and someone hung up...?_ Pondering the possibilities he opened up the 'Missed Calls' log and read the first name. He wasn't completely surprised to read her name at the top of the log, but then he remembered what time it was. _Well, murder runs on no man's clock_, he thought to himself _Maybe a body dropped_.

He still couldn't believe he missed the call, though. Normally when he was at home and laying in bed he was watching his phone intently, attempting to wish a call from Beckett into existance. He didn't care why she called, just that she did. And now, she had called him in the middle of the night and he didn't even notice at first. Maybe it was because he was in the middle of a dream about her, and his body was reluctant to pull his mind out of the bliss. Either way, something just wasn't adding up.

Checking back to the main screen, there was no voicemail. When it was murder, and he didn't answer, which was one time in his life, there was a voicemail. He knew Beckett well enough to know that she would leave a message if it was a body. He ran though the other possibilities in his head at lightening fast speed. _It's four AM, there's no way she called to talk... _he thought _Let's be real though. She never calls just to talk. Except that one time. But that was still in regards to a case that she was stumped on... there is no case... I wonder why she- oh my god what if she's in trouble!_ Worry struck his face so fast that it was as if his last thought has been his first. Leaping off the bed, he grabbed the phone and hit number three; her speed dial. As it rang and rang, he paced back and forth in his room like a caged animal. _Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up... C'mon Kate... PICK UP!_

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**_This is decent, not my best. But let me know what you think! And if you have suggestions, they are always valued. ie. the part about him staring at his phone for hours at a time waiting for her to call was an idea from duskbutterfly._**

**_Thanks!_**


	3. Consequences

_**You guys continue to amaze me! Thanks for all the encouragement, comments, follows and favorites! Thanks to all those who beat me to the punchline too, nice insight ;)**_

_**Happy Reading! **_

_**PS. If you are over 18, you should vote today! :)**_

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Kate sat perched on the edge of her bed, looking at her ringing cell phone as if it was going to bite her. _What the HELL do I do?_ she thought, panicked._ I can't admit that it was an accident, and anyway, he knows me too well- he'd never believe me. _

The phone finally ceased ringing. _Phew. Maybe he'll realize it on his own... maybe-_ her thoughts were interrupted by Castle's ringer going off once again. _Shit. He's going to think something's wrong... No... maybe if I just let it go he'll think that I hit my phone in my sleep and I'm not picking up because I never actually woke up... _

It sounded like complete and utter crap in her head, but it was so incredibly early. Maybe he would buy it. The ringing ceased for the second time, and when it did, she pounced on it and shut it off before it could ring again. She would just tell him it died sometime during the night. Forgot to charge it. _Yeah. That'll work. _

Flopping back into her pillows once again, she kept her lie going in her head as she tried to relax. _He'll buy it. He'll never suspect a thing..._ Tossing and turning for two or three minutes frustrated her even more than her busy brain, so she grabbed a pillow and her comforter and tried for a change in scenery. Sinking into the couch in her main room, she felt the coolness of the cushions against her bare arms and legs. She never wore much to bed, this evening just a tiny pair of shorts and a tank top. Finally feeling relaxed, she closed her eyes and shut the rest of the world out.

Shutting the world out didnt work. Someone was tromping like an elephant up the stairs. _Use the god-damn elevator_, she thought to herself. _Do they have any idea what time it is?_ The noise stopped, and she heard someone stop at her door, panting. Senses tingling, she slid off of the couch like a cat on the prowl. Before she could even reach the drawer with her gun stashed safely inside, her door started to shake with rattling knocks.

"KATE! KATE, ARE YOU IN THERE? KATE!" came Castle's voice.

Stunned, Kate could only stare at the door.

"KATE! I'M COMING IN!" he yelled frantically, "Please don't kill me..." he tacked on in a mutter.

"CASTLE, NO!" Kate shouted, bolting towards the entrance to her apartment. She _would_ kill him if he broke down the door.

Flinging the door open, her heart fluttered as she was greeted with a very shocked and incredulous Castle, still mostly in his pajamas. She had caught him mid-step, backing up and preparing to kick in the door. When he saw her, safe and sound, and in her skimpy choice of sleepwear, he looked sheepish, like a kid caught with mud from head to toe. His eyes flickered over her.

"Beckett! I came to-"

"Castle what the _hell_ are you doing? Why are you here? Do you _know_ what time it is?" She shot question after question, as if interrogating him. She did have to admit that her heart went out to him, making sure she was safe, but she would never let him know.

"Yes, I _know_ what time it is! _You_ are the one who called me and then didn't pick up when I called you back! For all I knew you were trying to reach me because some psycho-path was trying to kill you and you needed help!" Castle insisted fervently.

"Castle, why would I call you if I needed help. I would just call 911!" Beckett said defiantly.

"Well I don't know, maybe you could only reach my speed dial!" He tried to hide the hurt in his voice.

"No! That is not the case, Castle. Go home," she replied. A moment passed, his eyes flickering with distress. She felt a little guilty, and secretly touched that he would come, even on the tiniest suspicion, to 'save' her. She softened her tone. "But thank you. Please. Go home. Get some rest. I'm sure we'll have something to work on tomorrow, okay?" She said, gently.

"Can I ask one thing, though?" Not waiting for permission, he continued, "Why _did_ you call?"

Kate sighed into her words. "I don't know, Castle, I must have hit a button on my phone in my sleep."

Castle looked at her with a look she knew incredibly well. The one that said: _You aren't saying something that you want to, and I know it._

"Kate..."

She looked at him and exhaled, tilting her head slightly to the left. _What am I going to tell him that he'll believe? I just want him to go home... or..._ She thought up something quickly. "I- I wanted your opinion. Crazy, I know. But I have this case..."

"A case? What case? We don't have a case..." Castle trailed.

"I know. I was helping- I was helping out on another case. Not homicide..." Kate lied, shaking her head slightly. She was surprised at herself for decieving someone she knew so well.

All Castle could do was gaze at Beckett with doubt written all over his face.

Sensing his thoughts and questions she said, "It isn't a big deal... the guys who used to work in Robbery with Demming remembered that I had a sharp eye so they asked for my opinon."

At the mention of the now out of the picture Detective Demming, Castle mentally recoiled. He never liked him, and he especially didn't like the other man's grubby paws all over his Kate. _His Kate? His?_ He couldn't believe he just referred to her that way. At least he said it in his head, not out loud. If he had, he would be bleeding by now.

Seeing his confusion, Kate continuted, "Anyhow, it just was chewing at me and I couldn't sleep, and I thought about calling you to ask your opinion- shhh," silencing him before he could interrupt and gloat, "but I decided against it- only accidentally pressing the button to call you." She looked him in the eye pointedly. "So thank you, but you can go now. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow."

Castle shook his head. "Now I'm awake, detective," he said, smiling impishly, "and for all my trouble you should at least tell me what this case is all about." Realizing that they were still in her door way, and not exactly talking in hushed tones, he took a step towards her. "We might as well just stay up anyway. If you tell me, I'll make you breakfast," he pressed, looking at her with his famous Richard Castle Puppy Dog Smile.

She would never admit it, but that look got her every time. She wanted to give in, just to have him here would calm whatever nerves were spiking at her patience. But what was she going to tell him? Running a hand through her tossled chesnut hair she sighed.

"Alright, Castle," she said slowly. "You can stay."

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_**Reviews, etc. You know the drill. :D More soon, I hope!**_


	4. Truth

**_This idea came to me in the best thinking spot ever: the shower. Oh, and some in the car... another great idea spawning ground. :D Sorry I had to rework this a zillion times... the first draft was really rough. I only post if I'm 100% happy... Only the best for you, my readers! :D_**

**_Enjoy._**

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Deciding that it was too early for breakfast just yet, Castle breezed by Beckett and plopped down on the couch. Noticing the blankets and pillows, he jumped up, taken aback in the slightest way.

"Were _you_ sleeping here, or..." he trailed.

"Yes, _I_ was sleeping there. Or at least trying to, until you nearly broke in the door." Reading the suspicious glint in his eyes, she decided to give him a break for once in his life. He didn't deserve it, not today at least. She gave him a genuine, soft smile. "So relax, there's not some guy hiding in the bathroom or anything," she said, reading his exact thoughts.

Deciding not to disrupt her sleeping spot, he instead picked a chair to sink into. Looking utterly intreigued, he leaned forward, raised his eyes to hers, and said, "Now, tell me about this case."

Inwardly, Beckett began to panic. By settling into the ease of his presence, she had temporarily forgot that she had deceived him. She didn't like to lie in general, but with him, it felt like it was on a completely different plane. She absolutely loathed lying to his face, even though she found herself doing it more often than she was comfortable with. It was so hard to decipher her feelings for him that sometimes she had to, just to protect her uncertain heart. When she did lie, it had such an effect on her that it nearly made her sick. Hell, she even felt bad when she left out tiny details of the truth, especially when it came to her emotions. This sick feeling was coming back, and with a forceful vengence. Not only because she had lied, but also because she knew the true reason that he had appeared at her apartment at four in the morning.

Warring with herself in high speed, she knew she had to make a decision, and fast, because Castle's eyes settled on her, expectantly. She was tired of all the deception, all the half truths. She needed to tell him everything. She _wanted_ to tell him everything. It wasn't fair to either of them. Both their hearts ached on a daily basis, and she knew he was worth the risk; a man like Richard Castle was a rare find. She knew he cared for her, not only did he save her life more than once, literally, but emotionally, she felt like he saved her everyday. It was just so damn hard to let her guard down! Finally deciding to end her charade, but not give him everything at once, as was her true nature, she began to work a devilish idea.

"Well, its a robbery, clearly," she started, hesitant at first. "A highly guarded safety deposit box was robbed, but we don't know how. There are no signs of forced entry, nothing out of place at all, other than the fact that something very vaulable, and probably of a personal nature, is missing."

Castle watched her as she was pacing up and down her living room. Something was off here, he just knew it. Something was pinging at the back of his brain, but he couldn't figure out what.

Feeling his eyes on her, she looked at him. "That's all we really know..." she faded off, thoughtfully.

"So where is this deposit box?" Castle asked, not letting his suspicion slip into his voice.

"They didn't tell me. It's very top secret, apparently." Beckett felt her face getting warm and she looked away from him. She had to turn the direction of this conversation quickly, or else she would physically shut down. She had to get it all in the open before she backed out of it.

"Do you have any leads on who took the item? It sounds like the perp knew the owner of this box very well" Castle said, putting a slightly scarcastic tone on the word 'box'.

Beckett's breath hitched slightly as she caught the change in his tone. Studying his handsome features in the gray, early morning light that was sliding itself surreptitiously through the window, she knew that he had figured out what she was getting at, but she also knew he wouldn't admit anything until she did. He was probably more scared of this than she was.

She was in control, but for the first time in her life, she hated it. She wanted to surrender; just give in and let him just sweep her into his arms and not make her vocalize what she really needed to say. She knew, in theory, that it was possible for it to go that way. Neither of them really required words to express the simple truth that had been brewing inside their hearts for as long as they had been aquainted. But given the past two years events, she knew she had to spell it out. They had decieved each other far too many times at this point.

"That's exactly what I thought," She replied, her voice quivering ever so slightly. "We are sure that the perp knew the owner very well- well enough to get secrets out of them that other people wouldn't have access to." She took a steadying breath. "Most likely someone that the owner worked and shared close quarters with most of the time," She replied. "He probably knew that the owner took great care to lock up what was hers, because she was so afraid of letting it be taken from her." Kate exhaled slowly, squeezing her eyes tightly closed. She had stopped pacing, and was standing directly behind him as he sat squarely in the arm chair.

"He? She? Her?" Castle sputtered. "You know who they are?"

She couldn't stand it anymore. "Cut the crap, Castle," she said boldly, as she exhaled. Her eyes were set in a serious, yet blank stare ahead, waiting for his reaction.

He turned in his chair to look at her, his legs flopping over one arm, and propping his back against the other.

"Cut the crap? _You_ cut the crap. What's going on?" he asked, raising one eyebrow and giving her his best _'I'm on to you'_ look.

There was no doubt now. Not after that look. He was just playing with her so she'd say it. Under any other cirumstance, she would bounce back with something to stall the information he wanted even longer, but she meant it when she said 'Cut the crap.' There was nothing else to do now except the inevitable.

Bending over the chair to look him in the eye, she said, "There is no case at the precinct. The only case I have is trying to figure out how _you_ got past all my walls so effortlessly, and why _you_ won't let go of my heart. _You_ are the one guilty here." Her face portrayed anger, but only as a front for her terrified insides. "I should lock you up," she said to herself as she inhaled sharply.

His expression froze in a shocked stare, her face not more than a few inches from his. He felt his cheeks start to warm with the realization of what she had just said.

"Kate... what are you-" he started.

"C'mon, Castle," She stood back upright, crossing her slender arms across her chest. "Don't play coy with me."

It took him a second to erase the surprised expression that had locked itself onto his features. He really couldn't believe that she had just admitted that he won her heart. HE had dreamed about this day, but now that it was here, he wasn't quite sure of what to do with it. He felt his defenses rising, wondering if she was mocking him.

He took a wary breath.

"C'mere," he murmurred, still unsure of himself. Reaching up and taking her arms gently, he pulled her to where she was an inch or two from his face once again. Her heart jumped, wondering what he was going to do.

"Are you saying that this case is 'The Case of Kate Beckett's Stolen Heart?" he grinned, keeping true to that child-like Castle style. As soon as he said it, he knew his defenses had gotten the better of him. _Why do I always have to ruin things with my inappropriate sense of humor?_ he thought to himself, furiously. He was surpised that he was maintaining a relaxed look ouwardly.

Kate's emotions weren't far behind. A flash of complete, unbridled anger swirled in the pit of Kate's stomach as she ripped herself away from his grasp. _How could he be making fun of me when I practically gave him the hammer to break down the last bit of my emotional walls?_

Fully intending to shoot a glare at him, her eyes darted back to the man sprawled out in her arm chair. But when she caught his eyes with hers, his look was so soft, so tender, that her heart melted for him all over again. _I need to put my claws away... I know that reaction came only because I made myself so vulnerable, and I was scared... but how can I resist that? _she thought. _He makes me feel so safe. Why would romance decrease that feeling? It should only make it stronger, _she thought.

Leaning back down, she playfully lit into him, "Lesson number one. Don't make me feel stupid after admitting something that heavy to you," she smirked, watching him squirm uncomfortably, knowing he had been out of place. "Come to think of it, don't make me feel stupid, ever," she purred. "Lucky for you, you're one of the few people I will give a second chance to. Wanna try that again?"

Rick gulped as she sat on the head of the chair and slid into his lap in a maddeningly slow fashion.

She raised her eyebrows, waiting for an answer. "Well?"

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_**Reviews are of course, appreciated. Let me know what you think! More to come soon, I hope! :)**_


	5. Undeniable

**_I have been a bad writer recently. I got stuck on this part, I wasn't sure how fast I wanted to take this. I'm taking a leaf from the show's book... and well. Just read. XD_**

**_Happy reading! :)_**

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Internally, Rick Castle was screaming. _She_ was on his lap... not just any 'she'... Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. The Extraordinary KB. His partner, his muse. The woman that he knew, deep down in the crevasses of his heart, was his 'one and done.' He had envisioned this scene in his head millions of times because his writer's imagination took over, creating and playing out every scenario. Even as creative as he was, he could have never been prepared for this very moment; a fact that had never quite solidified in his mind. The far corners of his subconcious would have never guessed that the rush of emotions that was cascading through his veins like liquid fire would go with her simple action.

Just the image, the very one that his eyes were gazing upon now, in real time, made him experience a spectrum of passion and fevor that he never thought possible. Maybe those feelings were fathomable once, but before tonight, with every step he took towards her, she took one back, and every time she took a step towards him, he backed away, afraid of the consequences.

But now, with her half leaning on his chest, legs still draped elegantly over the head of the chair, looking deep into his eyes, past those baby blues and clear into his soul, he was cornered. He had to respond to her challenge, and soon. The trouble was, he was absolutely paralyzed with terror. He already made a near fatal mistake tonight, and he didn't want to repeat it. He knew he was capable of unraveling everything she just expressed with a word or two. _One of my many talents,_ he thought to himself, grimly.

He could sense her impatience, and her anxiety that she had said too much; that she had made the wrong move. He came to the realization that they had been sitting like this for less than a minute, but because of the weight of the subject matter, it felt like much, much longer. He moved without thinking, for the sheer reason that it felt right, deciding that thinking excessively was dangerous, at the moment. Gently wrapping his arm around her back for support, he stared back at her with the same intensity that she put into the gaze that she was casting upon him.

Her arms were holding her upright, tightly locked by her interwoven fingers behind his neck. Feeling his arm settle firmly around her waist, she loosened her grip, letting her fingertips play softly with the nape of his neck. When she realized the seriousness but also tenderness that was settling in his eyes her breath caught. There was something else in those eyes... a cloud of fear, surprise, and ultimately, uncertainty. It was so subtle though, that she saw it for what it was: second hand emotion. The tender, yet serious look was definitely at the forefront, simply dotted with insecurity.

She could tell that he was being incredibly wary. _Probably because I have turned him down more times than I can count, _she thought. _He is probably shell-shocked... this must be unreal for him. I know it is for me._

She also came to the conclusion that he was probably scared of ruining everything. She knew him well enough, and was a good enough detective, to tell these things from the way he sat: his muscles tensing slightly. She also knew he was troubled because of that cloud in his eyes, a cloud that she had only seen one other time in her life, because like her, in so many ways, he hid his true emotions from a much of the general public. She was not the general public. Through the years, she had learned not only to see right through him, but into him. It was only because of this experience that she could note this darker shade in his eyes, fading out the normal glimmer that resided there. So, she spoke first, discerning his tentative and vexed demeanor.

"Castle..." she began, trailing off. "I know how this must seem," she lowered her eyes and exhaled softly. "This isn't a trick. This isn't me just driving you crazy for the sake of driving you crazy. Believe it or not, I have given this a lot of thought." Raising her eyes again meekly, she said softly, "I'm sorry that I lied to you. Not only tonight, but every time I shut you down, every time I brushed something off that bothered me, whether it was about Gina, Ellie Monroe, Agent Shaw, or even the 'Deep Fried Twinkie'," she smiled genuinely, letting a small laugh slip from her mouth as she saw the corners of his lips play upward into a knowing half-smile. Regaining her serious tone, she continued, "I knew you saw the searing jealousy in my eyes, but I never wanted to admit it. I was so scared that-"

Castle cut her off. "You don't have to be scared anymore, Kate," he said softly touching her cheek with his other hand. "You already know how I feel." When distrust overshadowed her soft features, he knew he had to say it out loud. Smiling gently, he continued.

"Kate, although you know that I was attracted to you from day one, the progression that has been our friendship and relationship through the past, what?, two?, almost three, years has been nothing short of extraordinary. The reason I've stuck around, as I'm sure you figured out, is you. I can't stand the thought of doing anything other than solving cases with you, or not seeing you everyday. You have become such a vital part of my life..." His words faded as he took a steadying breath. "I think I would fall apart if my life wasn't exactly the way it is now."

He gazed upon his favorite detective tenderly, as if emphasize the words of his admission. Kate's eyes darted away from his, afraid of what he meant by what he had just expressed, but he added quickly, "Not saying that it can't change, for the better. I just mean If I wasn't around you everyday, I don't know how I could-"

It was Kate's turn to cut him off. Finding the reassurance she needed in his words, she inched closer to him, causing him to stutter, and then stop in astonishment. He could smell that familiar scent that was distinctively Kate Beckett: cherries mixed with the way her skin smelled beneath any body wash or perfume. He took a slow, extraordinarily intoxicating breath, never dropping his eyes from hers, and was immediately drunk on her scent. All the words he had so skillfully woven at the drop of a hat were immediately turned into a useless word jumble in his head, no longer making any sense. His breathing quickened, thirsting for the only thing that he had ever wanted with as much passion as he felt in that moment.

She was swimming too, her thoughts being erased when his words sputtered to a stop, utterly staggered that she had this effect on him. The only thought that her brain could form was: _This is real, and it's time._

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_**I have no intention on stopping here, I'm not that cruel. Hopefully another chapter up by tomorrow! :D Review, please! The more reviews, the faster the chapter, probably. :)**_


	6. Contact

**_A bit of a short chapter, but hopefully the Caskett-y fluff will make up for it. It had enough heart that I felt as though I could stop where I did. There WILL be more, though! :) (also, sorry for the delay. I apparently am not a fast poster... I am too much of a perfectionist to rush a chapter just to get it online... I need to work it and rework it about 349027 times first. :) I Don't wanna publish CRAP!)_**

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A rush of emotion hit them both at once. Years of built up tension, of wanting, of denial... it washed away in one breath that they took together. It surprised them both how easily forgotten every little incident seemed to be. It was although she instantly forgave him in full for so many things, looking into her mother's case, not following directions, leaving her that one infamous summer... None of that mattered now.

Rick's mind was in the same place. Everything she had done to hurt him; the things that dug deeper than their usual play seemed to disappear. Her reluctance and initial annoyance over taking him on as a ride along, flaunting boyfriends in his face, and making him utterly feel like there would never be a chance for them just seemed to melt in the heat of the searing look they were now exchanging.

Kate lowered her eyes, drawn to the sight of Rick's slightly parted lips. They appeared soft, warm and inviting. She bit her own lip, unsure of who was going to move first. Rick didn't miss this small gesture, and took a barely noticeable but nervous gulp. The second Kate's teeth released her lip, he felt the heady feeling from the magnetism of their connection pull him forward, his mouth just a fraction of an inch from hers. She could feel his breath mingling with hers as she closed her eyes, ready at last to feel what she had deprived herself of for so long.

When he moved, she moved, the remaining space between them dissolving into a feather light kiss, their lips brushing in a gentle movement that was more simple than they could have ever imagined. They were only testing the waters, though, and when Rick wrapped his other arm around her, winding his fingers through her hair, she sighed and let him nestle her closer into him. Their kiss deepened but remained slow, never lacking intent. Neither wanting to push too hard too fast, they kept the igniting fire at a flicker. Their lips were discovering one another, determining what the other tasted like, how each responded to little nibbles and head dips.

They breathed as one, never having to come up for air. They were so in tune with the other and enjoying reveling in the sensation so much, that they unconsciously took breaths in turn, synchronized and choreographed perfectly.

They learned one another, at a painstakingly slow pace. They both felt the frustration of pacing themselves when he captured her lower lip between his teeth and she gasped softly. They both ached as he ran her nails gently down his back and he responded with a throaty growl. They began to realize patterns, like if he ran his hands through her hair, it elicited the sweetest audible sigh from her lips. If she glided her tongue across his lip, he immediately would give her access within. Their tongues met tenderly, exploring and sharing, rather than fighting.

Finally, Rick ventured away from her mouth and down her jaw line, placing affectionate kisses on her cheeks and down to her neck. He smiled into his gentle kisses as she tossed her head back to allow him to more room to make her moan softly. Kate wove her hands in his hair and exhaled into a contented "Mmmmm."

Kissing his way back to her mouth, he innocently pressed their lips together once, twice, three times before lingering on the fourth. They pulled away from each other so slowly and with so much effort, that it appeared as though they were the two sides of a magnet, trying to resist the attraction.

They simply stared at each other for a moment or two, neither knowing quite what to say next, or what this meant for them. Even though they were still unsure of what to think, there was not a hint of panic between them; it felt too right for that.

Her eyes crawled over him, searching for a tell on his face, hoping that per usual, he broke the silence first. He simply gazed back, his eyes a deeper blue than she had ever seen them. They were full of affection and relief. She felt an impossibly small smile start to play on her lips as her head swam in the clouds. She tilted her head forward so their foreheads were touching and playfully pecked his nose. He immediately grinned, not able to hold back the pure joy that was coursing through his body.

She moved forward again, lazily moving her lips against his, not rushing any bit of their kiss, relishing in every tiny movement and feeling. She broke away not more than a minute later.

"Hi," she breathed.

"Hey there," he smiled back.

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_**YAY! FINALLY! :D **_

_**Anything you have to say is appreciated- please and thank you! :]**_


	7. Stuck

**_Thank you, Crawlypie for giving me the push to crank this chapter out. I think I am going to leave it at this and mark it complete. This was never intended to be a long story anyway, and I don't want to have to worry about it being unfinished. It kills me that I don't update more often, and I'm sure it pisses people off. But I have 3.5 jobs now, (yes, .5...) and I am so busy all the time, or too tired to create coherent thoughts. Finishing this on an off day seemed like the right thing to do._**

**_Thank you to all of the reviewers and followers of this story. You Rock! Stay tuned to my other stories... I hope to work on some more chapters for those today as well! :)_**

**_Don't own 'em..._**

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"I..." she started, and then stumbled on all the sentences that were building up in her mind, but getting blocked before they could filter through to her mouth. Did she want to laugh? Did she want to pour her heart out? What could she possibly say in this moment? There was simply too much to express. Everything from asking if she had crossed some line, to telling him that she loved him bounced around in her brain. The chaos inside refused to sort itself out.

He gave her a knowing smile, that told her of his difficulty with the same simple task. They stared at each other for about twenty seconds, until they both burst into laughter.

"Why the _hell_ did it take us so long to do that?" He wondered aloud.

"Seems so stupid now, doesn't it?" She laughed.

After their laughter had died down, Rick, usually the easily distracted one, seemed to finally grasp his bearings. "I believe I owe you breakfast," he said, casually.

She laughed again, lyrical and genuine. It was nearing 6am now, and it was about time for her to start thinking about getting ready for work. She made a show out of pondering this thought.

"Hmm. Well, a deal is a deal. You did come barging in, and you did an excellent job of, er, solving that 'case'." She said, making air quotes around her last word.

He grinned. "Happy to be of service. Now, as much as I never want you to leave my lap, ever, I do would need you to move in order to get going on some pancakes."

"Pancakes? Really, Castle? How cliché do you want to be?"

"It's not cliché! Pancakes are, according to Esposito, 'an edible way of saying 'thank you so much for last night', not 'thank you so much for this morning.' He winked at her, as she jabbed him in the ribs. "Ow, ow! Okay, okay! Apples! Apples! Eggs it is!"

She gave him one last, slow kiss and hopped off his lap. "I'm going to shower and get dressed. I would invite you in with me," his eyes widened, "but I need someone to start a pot of coffee. Caffeine is a definite must." She smirked as his jaw closed from when it had dropped involuntarily. She sauntered off and left him in the kitchen, dazed.

As soon as she closed the bathroom door, she leaned back against it heavily. How the hell did this happen so quickly? One minute, she was tossing and turning in a bout of insomnia, and the next, she was in Richard Castle's lap, staring into his eyes, mesmerized. And then they kissed! Like, really kissed! There was no taking that back. There was no way to explain it, nor deny it. Inhaling slowly, she willed herself to calm down. This shift was too fast for her, and too scary. She couldn't screw this up, not with him. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had always thought that if she ever got together with Castle, that would be the one that stuck. They had just crossed a line that could never be uncrossed, and anything she did to try to backtrack could have disastrous effects. As much as this felt right to her, the idea of this being the start of the last relationship she would ever have was a heavy thought.

She quickly undressed, started the shower, and immediately stepped under the spray. It was far from warm enough yet, but the cold water was enough to snap her out of her tortuous thoughts. As she washed and conditioned her hair, she slowly began to convince herself not to think of this as the beginning of the end. It was just the beginning. Of something. Of what, she didn't know, but it was wrong to categorize it yet. She pushed herself to realize that starting something with Castle was not saying 'yes' to a marriage proposal. But somehow, it still felt that way.

She took her time, more than she would have on any other morning. Finally feeling calmer, she emerged from the shower, got dressed, and made her way to the kitchen, where Castle had breakfast all laid out. The domesticity of it all was almost all too much all over again, but she reigned it in when she saw his bright smile. The way he looked at her made the room alight with his affection. She couldn't help but feel the red rush to her cheeks, and looked down to hide it from him.

He crossed the room slowly, almost shyly. His hesitance was adorable, and she found herself biting her lip and shaking her head at him with an amused smile. When Rick finally rested his hands on her hips, seemingly convinced that she hadn't changed her mind about what had happened, Kate leaned into him, resting her head on his chest. His arms wound around her, holding her close.

"You know, without those killer 4 inch heels, you fit here quite nicely," he said with a hint of wonder in his voice.

She answered with a contented hum, and perched herself on her toes to kiss him softly, pouring her real answer into the way her lips moved over his. He pulled back slightly, only to be pulled back by her arms around his neck. She didn't feel scared, not right now. She was safe right where she was, and all of those thoughts of feeling trapped flew from her mind. She kept the kisses tame, every-so-gently pulling his bottom lip in between her own. She finally gave him one last, light brush of a kiss as if to seal her decision to not let her nerves get in the way of whatever this was going to turn into.

When she pulled away, he looked at her, and asked the question that she was trying not to think about. "So... Where do we go from here?"

The terror came back in an instant. "Castle... I..." She began, but when she caught the look in his eyes, a swirl of affection, a boyish bit of shyness, and most importantly, undeniable love, it vanished once more, and she knew exactly what to say.

"Well, we eat breakfast, and then we get back to work," she smiled softly. The smile that he returned was unmistakable in its message: Everything was going to be alright.

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**_Cheesy ending, you say? Yeah, well... you wouldn't be wrong. My brain isn't working at the moment. Let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions or improvements. Mistakes are my own. I was working without a net because I don't have Word on this computer yet._**

**_Go ahead... click it! :)_**


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